I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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