My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
