I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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