boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
