you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
