he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
