I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
