Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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