i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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