I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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