Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
