sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You ate ashes out of my bong
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
