all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
