im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
