dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
We got so high we made milksteak
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
As shirtless as possible
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
