that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
third nipple confirmed
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
