no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
