she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
