i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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