around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
we're so committed to being not committed
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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