This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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