also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
