Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
