Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
