I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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