Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
