I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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