What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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