hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
