3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
