Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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