I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
