I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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