I wanna bring you to show and tell
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
