I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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