i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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