Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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