You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
