i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
