make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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