I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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