After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
