I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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