Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I wish I could teleport
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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