She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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