You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
my poor anus
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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