Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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