Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Randomize
