Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
