guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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