Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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