i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
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