HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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