they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
