So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
