hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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