Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
