Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
