i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
