OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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