I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I didn't notice because vodka
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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