I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
