Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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