According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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