Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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