Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
