He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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