If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
