That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Green mimosas i think yes
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
you made out with another girl for some wings
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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