I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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