the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
