Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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