im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
