i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
