Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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