The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
