the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
