I just cut my nipple shaving
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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