dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
