If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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