i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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