a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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