so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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