Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
