dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
