dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
