I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
