Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Is it penis luge time yet?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
