I looked at my own cervix.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
