Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
