I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
