someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
