Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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