i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
nutella sex= disaster
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
