You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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